Foster child in the family
The period of adaptation of family life when adopting a child is quite difficult. On the one hand, it may seem that the main thing is just to love the child, and then all the problems and difficulties will be solved by themselves. But this is not quite true. The fact is that in the case of a foster child, there are some differences that make adaptation and family life special. And here it is important not only to love the child, but also to have the necessary information and knowledge.
We must remember that in the life of every foster child, a difficult event happened – he lost his family and parents. Very young children (up to a year or two) may not remember this consciously, but, nevertheless, it all leaves a mark on their lives: they may develop attachment disorder, often - a lag in development. Older children usually experience severe stress, fear, and the pain of losing one of the foundations of their lives. All this cannot but affect not only their development, but also their psychological state, perception of the world and themselves in it.
That is why it is important for foster parents to have not only love for the child and a General positive attitude, but also certain knowledge, as well as a willingness to accept the help of specialists.
Problems with attachment formation
Future foster parents or guardians must be aware of attachment disorders that occur in foster children. These violations are the root of many problematic situations, so if a parent understands what is happening to their adopted child, it is easier for them to maintain self-control themselves, as well as find an approach to the child and solve the problems that arise.
Attachment is the desire to maintain and maintain a close relationship with another person. This is the need for intimacy, communication, and trust. It is scientifically proven that emotional warmth affects the development of children. The care and participation of an adult allows a child to learn from adults, to trust both people and the world as such. If a young child has not had the experience of a long-term close relationship with one person, or this relationship has been interrupted several times and has not been restored, then his ability to maintain attachment is reduced or lost, which may cause, for example, the following situations:
the child provokes, deliberately irritates parents, checks for strength;
a child may not allow a trusting relationship with any adult at all. He is closed, emotionally cold. He is not aggressive, but avoids close relationships;
the child is rude and provokes, then behaves in the opposite way-looking for affection and attention;
the child deliberately violates the boundaries, does not feel sympathy, prefers to be afraid. In these cases, violent and destructive actions can be observed;
the child is looking for mom and dad in all the people around, ready to be affectionate with everyone. Quality is replaced by quantity here.
As a rule, the behavior of a child with an attachment disorder can be attributed to one of the types described above. Parents need to know that almost all of them are corrected, but it takes time, patience, and sometimes the help of specialists. Situations with violent, destructive behavior of a child require separate control, because it is especially difficult to achieve socialization of such a child.
Do I need to tell my child about blood family?
Whether to tell a child about their biological parents, and how to do it-this question concerns almost all foster parents. On the one hand, it may seem that talking about blood parents will cause sad or unpleasant memories, and foster parents avoid this. But if you do not talk about something, it does not mean that the child will not think about it, and the situation as such will not change.
The first question is whether to tell the child that he is adopted at all. This question usually arises in the case of adoption of very young children who can not yet consciously remember their parents.
If you answer this question briefly, then experts working with adoption say unequivocally-Yes, you need to inform the child. And this is confirmed by tens of years of practice and thousands of families, in which there were difficulties precisely because of attempts to keep a secret.
Перевод: Ушурова Ясмина https://incatalog.kz/
We must remember that in the life of every foster child, a difficult event happened – he lost his family and parents. Very young children (up to a year or two) may not remember this consciously, but, nevertheless, it all leaves a mark on their lives: they may develop attachment disorder, often - a lag in development. Older children usually experience severe stress, fear, and the pain of losing one of the foundations of their lives. All this cannot but affect not only their development, but also their psychological state, perception of the world and themselves in it.
That is why it is important for foster parents to have not only love for the child and a General positive attitude, but also certain knowledge, as well as a willingness to accept the help of specialists.
Problems with attachment formation
Future foster parents or guardians must be aware of attachment disorders that occur in foster children. These violations are the root of many problematic situations, so if a parent understands what is happening to their adopted child, it is easier for them to maintain self-control themselves, as well as find an approach to the child and solve the problems that arise.
Attachment is the desire to maintain and maintain a close relationship with another person. This is the need for intimacy, communication, and trust. It is scientifically proven that emotional warmth affects the development of children. The care and participation of an adult allows a child to learn from adults, to trust both people and the world as such. If a young child has not had the experience of a long-term close relationship with one person, or this relationship has been interrupted several times and has not been restored, then his ability to maintain attachment is reduced or lost, which may cause, for example, the following situations:
the child provokes, deliberately irritates parents, checks for strength;
a child may not allow a trusting relationship with any adult at all. He is closed, emotionally cold. He is not aggressive, but avoids close relationships;
the child is rude and provokes, then behaves in the opposite way-looking for affection and attention;
the child deliberately violates the boundaries, does not feel sympathy, prefers to be afraid. In these cases, violent and destructive actions can be observed;
the child is looking for mom and dad in all the people around, ready to be affectionate with everyone. Quality is replaced by quantity here.
As a rule, the behavior of a child with an attachment disorder can be attributed to one of the types described above. Parents need to know that almost all of them are corrected, but it takes time, patience, and sometimes the help of specialists. Situations with violent, destructive behavior of a child require separate control, because it is especially difficult to achieve socialization of such a child.
Do I need to tell my child about blood family?
Whether to tell a child about their biological parents, and how to do it-this question concerns almost all foster parents. On the one hand, it may seem that talking about blood parents will cause sad or unpleasant memories, and foster parents avoid this. But if you do not talk about something, it does not mean that the child will not think about it, and the situation as such will not change.
The first question is whether to tell the child that he is adopted at all. This question usually arises in the case of adoption of very young children who can not yet consciously remember their parents.
If you answer this question briefly, then experts working with adoption say unequivocally-Yes, you need to inform the child. And this is confirmed by tens of years of practice and thousands of families, in which there were difficulties precisely because of attempts to keep a secret.
Перевод: Ушурова Ясмина https://incatalog.kz/